Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
