just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
