i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Someone signed my nipple.
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