I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
