so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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