But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
