You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I love having hate sex.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
