If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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