Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
