We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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