do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
