We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was like eating out sand paper
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
