I think my vagina is haunted
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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