I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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