That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
she woke up with a sticky ear
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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