Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
