i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bring me that man meat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
