She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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