A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
