you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
