pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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