I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
