turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
