after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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