plz talk dirty to me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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