I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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