Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize