Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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