my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
