She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
