And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I came so hard my ears popped.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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