I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
