you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
