You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
