Buhtt sex?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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