I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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