Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
