She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
