i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
