I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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