90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
