Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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