people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
