Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize