So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
