Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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