More tranny stories later!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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