If i come over, it means nothing
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
