My friends, they love my intelligence
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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