she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
