Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
