so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
