This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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