I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
