So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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