Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
