I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
