o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize