I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
