Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
