oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
