You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
