and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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