I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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