I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
