We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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