I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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