Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
