you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
