Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
