i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
