that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
