and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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