just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
