how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
