He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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