I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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